Indelible You (Imagine Ink) Read online

  Oh, shit!

  There it was—the plug was pulled. Now, it was leaking back into her mushy brain why it was so important not to be doing this before she talked to Walker. Too bad her body wasn’t on the same page. The gravity of the mistake she’d made by not telling all was pulling her toward the earth with a vengeance when Walker twisted his hips just so. The gravitational pull was severed and she was suspended in that perfect moment, straddling planes of existence. Her body bowed up taught, her breath indrawn and locked down. Reaching out, torn between touching the edge of the next moment and prolonging this one.

  Touch.

  Shatter.

  Experiencing a pleasure she’d never known before, Erika let the words poised on her lips go.

  “Can’t.”

  “Courthouse…Monday.”

  “Already…married.” The moment the rapture started to ebb, she knew she’d made a grave mistake.

  ***

  WALKER

  The demand of her silken core as she orgasmed was too much for Walker to resist. Riding bare inside her body was an indescribable experience. He’d never had sex raw before, with anyone, but this was Erika, his forever. Walker didn’t think he’d ever wish to have his dick covered with her, until the weight of her words settled on his ears.

  It was too late to pull out, she was milking his cock dry with each spasm of her body when understanding dawned on him. With every spurt he couldn’t control, a piece of his heart turned to stone, as disgust overtook him.

  The second Walker could exert control over his body, he got off the lying bitch and pulled his jeans back over his thighs. Looking anywhere but in her eyes or at her sweet pussy, he located his abandoned shirt. Opening the door and jerking it on over his head, he tried to calm his restless soul with the crisp salt air.

  ***

  ERIKA

  Erika righted her dress and watched Walker pacing by the truck. She knew that look, dreaded that look, even more now that she was the cause of it. She has been there through enough of his “after break up” gabs to know the set of his jaw and the posturing of his body when he decided enough was enough and was washing his hands of a relationship and moving on.

  Knowing she’d royally fucked up couldn’t keep her in the truck. She had to try. She had to make him understand. This was Walker, the man she believed was her one true love, she couldn’t give up trying to make him see the truth.

  Stupid, stupid, stupid. You know exactly how he feels about cheating and yet you hiked up your fucking dress without telling him the truth. You deserve to lose him you stupid bitch, just look at the pain you caused the man you’re supposed to love. Her own conscience was berating her, and she deserved it.

  Erika let her body override her judgment and now Walker was paying the price. He thought he was an adulterer and he would never be okay with what they did until he knew the truth about her marriage.

  Taking a fortifying breath, Erika exited the truck on still-wobbly legs. He has to understand, he just has to, because the alternative is unthinkable; unacceptable. She approached him like one would a wounded animal because, in reality, he kind of was.

  “Walker? Will you let me explain? I tried to tell you before, ” Erika motioned toward the truck, “but, I got caught up in the moment.”

  “You tried to explain?” Whirling around to her, she saw the feral look in his eyes. “You tried to explain?” Anger and pain continued to raise the volume of his voice. “Well, sweetheart,” he spat the endearment like it was anything but, “you should’ve fucking tried harder. That’s information a man should know before he fucks you.” Walker turned and started pacing again, running his hands over his face and through his hair in obvious frustration.

  “Walker, please, let me explain. It’s not what you think.”

  Returning to her, he grasped her shoulders and made real eye contact for the first time since she spilled her secret, and he spilled his body. Brittle hope tinged his questions. “Erika, please tell me I heard you wrong. Tell me it’s all a big fucking misunderstanding. Please? For the love of God tell me you’re not…married.”

  She heard Walker gag on the word that brought promise and pleasure to his voice the last time if left his mouth, but now only brought pain. Needing a bit more stability, she leaned back against the bed of her truck before speaking. “It’s not what it seems, my relationship with Andy isn’t…ah!” She was shocked into silence by the hollow metal sound of Walker’s fist connecting with the truck right next to her.

  Having been there through his of stories of betrayal, she’d seen Walker at his worst, or so she thought. This? This was beyond anything she’d witnessed from him. Not even in the same zip code as the damage wrought by other women. This was broken. Completely and utterly broken.

  And she was the one who did it.

  Erika was overwhelmed by the feeling of death. Death of her dreams, death of the future she wanted. Most painful was witnessing the brutal impending death of the love he had for her, the love she finally got to taste.

  Caging her against the truck menacingly, he commanded her undivided attention. “Don’t! Don’t. Ever. Fucking. Say. His. Name. To. Me. Ever!” His voice was unrecognizable to her, but having one’s heart ripped out and devoured during the best moment of his life does that to a man. “Only one of two fucking words should come from your traitorous mouth next. One Goddamned syllable, either ‘yes’ or ‘no.’”

  She could see he held a sliver of hope that she’d say “no” and they could live the future he spoke of in the truck. Even knowing the next word she spoke would kill any love he had for her, the least she could do was be honest.

  “Are? You? Fucking? Married?” he gritted out the question that was blatantly excruciating for him to ask.

  Erika looked into obsidian eyes that just moments ago shone with such love and promise, and now reflected only pain and contempt. All caused by her. She mourned the loss of the house, the family, the all-encompassing love Walker offered her. Taking those gifts and crushing them under her secrets, she deserved his contempt and so much more.

  Realizing she single-handedly destroyed their future, the least she could do was answer his question, he deserved the truth. Then she would keep her mouth shut. Not cause him further pain by rubbing salt in the gaping wound she just created.

  There would be no “them,” no mortgage, no kids…? Well, that was a problem for later. Right now, Erika just needed this night to end. Walker wouldn’t listen, not right now anyway. Hell, maybe never, but that was another one of those problems she preferred to face another day. A day when neither of them was completely raw from the devastating blow she’s just delivered during climax.

  Looking down at her feet, because seeing him shatter would be too much for her right now, she said the word that would destroy them both.

  “Yes.”

  ***

  ERIKA

  His own groan of pain was the only sound for what seemed like eternity. It was so profound, it drowned out the waves and the gulls. There it was. “Yes.” Three little letters that held so much torture. More destructive than a bomb, more painful than a shotgun blast to the face.

  His soul, shredded.

  His dreams, shattered.

  His heart, dead.

  Walker could feel it hardening in his chest as rigor set in. A familiar feeling, one he had lived with for a long time. Different now, because he’d felt it live, beating with love. Now, he knew the alternative. That’s what hurt the most, the comparison.

  He pushed away from the truck, away from his forever. Away from everything he’d wanted for far too long, all that was dangled in front of him and then snatched away like some cruel joke.

  Feeling the bile rise up the back of his throat, Walker was sure he’d be sick all over the parking lot if he didn’t get away from Erika.

  Erika. As her name whispered through his mind, he remembered the feel of her body under his, the love that shone in her eyes for him and then, that awful word.

 
; Married.

  How the fuck could she be married? Where was this An…bastard? Walker couldn’t even think his name without the beast he’d controlled for years trying to take over and hurt something or someone. It was that rage that got him into trouble in the past, and it was trying to show itself now. No way in hell would he let that happen, let it take over and land him in prison again, or worse. As painful as it was going to be, he had to cut all ties with Erika. No fucking way he could control it if he had to be around her.

  Looking into the eyes of his only love for the last time, he said his mental goodbye before his mouth delivered a harsher one. For his own sanity, he would push her away, he had to. Needing to ensure she didn’t try to change his mind about them because he loved her so damn much. Afraid he’d be the “other man” if she asked him to, he stiffened his resolve so he wouldn’t compromise his principles.

  The crunch of the ground shell gravel mixture of the parking lot diverted his attention to the yellow vehicle pulling up behind them.

  “Your cab’s here Mrs.…” Walker added enough venom to make her cringe. “Oh, by the way, thanks for the fuck, it was nice. But don’t call me, I won’t call you. Ever”

  “What if I’m pregnant?” she mumbled to herself.

  Giving her his back as unsteady steps carried him toward his bike, he heard the muted question she posed to herself about the possible repercussions of unprotected sex, and took the opportunity to add an extra insult. Not just to hurt her, although that was most definitely part of it, but he knew his reaction to that personal query would guarantee she wouldn’t be calling him. He had to protect what was left of his soul.

  Without turning around or slowing his pace, he answered her rhetorical question. “Then you better get a damn good lawyer ma’am, because there is no way in hell you and your fucking husband are raising any kid of mine.”

  Chancing a sideways glance at her as he mounted his bike, he knew his deadly arrow had hit the bullseye. She was in shock at his hateful words. They were obviously the most painful ones of the night, and that was saying something.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  THE DAY AFTER

  ERIKA

  Erika set out on the open road in a haze of pain and loss. Last night was the absolute worst night of her life, hands down. Even though she was no stranger to heartbreak, it took the prize. Only a strong person could survive the string of foster homes she’d had, so she knew she would survive this too. Needing to focus and remember who she was would help her heal. She learned way too young that the only way to deal with something heartbreaking like this was through a process. She was a list maker, it was how she dealt with things, good and bad. So this process was a list like any other. You grieve, you cry, you bargain, you eat gallons of Cherry Garcia with the person who has been through it all before with you, and then, you accept it.

  She started her process late last night after she polished off a half-gallon of ice cream and a bottle of Zin. Not the greatest combination in the world, but it worked. She put pen to paper and wrote Walker a letter, one he’d probably never see. Which was fine, considering she didn’t write it so much for him, but for herself. Not to mention, it was written when the bottle was sideways and the ice cream container just an empty, sad, sticky reminder of what was, so the writing was barely above elementary, if that.

  Once you hit acceptance stage, you can come out on the other side of the long dark tunnel, and, if you were lucky, you emerged more fierce and fabulous than ever.

  At least that’s what Andy said after every stinking time a family decided not to offer her a permanent home. “E, it’s a good thing you didn’t choose them, they can’t handle someone a fabulous as you. And let’s face it, one day, when you’re rich and famous, they’d probably take all your money anyway.” She had heard it more than once—every time a potential family took a pass or her current situation was less than ideal—Andy would step in with one of his witty sayings. He had been her rock since eighth grade.

  When she finally did get a home? Well, let’s just say the group home and string of unpleasant ones looked better and better each day. The people who adopted her were abusive assholes who just wanted a check from the state and some free labor. Andy spent enough time over there that they had to be creative with their abuse where she was concerned because the last thing Miss Helen wanted was Andy’s family to know their dirty little secrets. The Wellingtons were the Trumps of Junction City, so Miss Helen needed to keep up appearances in her effort to impress them.

  Andy protected her from the monsters at home, and she protected him from the ones at school. It was a beautiful relationship. Their bond only got stronger after they left for college. Erika adored his family and would do anything for him, or them. Andy’s father passed away senior year of high school, and his mother hasn’t been the same since. She was diagnosed with cancer the year of the trial, but kept it quiet until just recently.

  The assholes who adopted her were killed a few years after she left their gentle care. They were stabbed to death by another child they took in. Apparently, they were just as loving with him as they were with her. Erika took time away from college that year and sat in on the trial. No one knew who she was or even cared. There was enough evidence to prove he had acted in self-defense, so there wasn’t any need for her to come forward to lend validity to his claims against them. Andy was with her for every recounting of their deeds against that 13-year-old boy. Not that they’d ever kept any secrets from each other, even now, but he never heard all the horrid details. After that week, he had a pretty good idea about it and never hounded her for specifics.

  Mama Wellington only has about 6 months left now, if that, and Erika has been begging Andy to tell her the truth. When she’s gone, the only true mother figure Erika ever knew will be gone too. No family except for Andy. That’s it. One person in this world who knows all her secrets and shame and loves her anyway. The unwanted orphan from Kansas. The only person alive who had any desire to claim her. Erika thought all that would change during a few fleeting moments last night, but she’d screwed that up.

  Erika was so lost in the past, she didn’t notice the passing of miles.

  She remembered the day Andy and her wed. It was the last day of the trial, a Wednesday. The jury read the not guilty verdict and there was a sense of relief, but also a sense of disconnect, an untethering. They completely sucked as parents and failed miserably as human beings, but it was the only family Erika had, legally speaking. It was so conflicting, that sense of floating free, drifting alone in the world like a boat that lost it mooring, but glad they no longer shared the atmosphere with her or any other child. It was overwhelming.

  The boy who killed them, Tanner, only overlapped her time by a few weeks, but he didn’t seem to recognize her, and she saw no reason to push the issue. She probably kept her peace more for her sake than his. Though she scarcely knew him, she had a weighty sense of guilt for failing to protect him, selfishly leaving him behind to go to college. It didn’t matter she was only seventeen, and him ten, she should have done something.

  Andy claimed her, became her family. She always knew he loved her deeply, even though it wasn’t the Romeo and Juliet romantic type of love, it was more real than anything she’d experienced in her life, until Walker. Andy would never abandon her, but that little piece of paper anchored her, gave her a sense of belonging. That day, Andy presented her with his written pledge in letter form. That’s where her love of written letters really became an obsession. He was a huge letter writer, wrote letters to people all the time. Her gaze drifted to the passenger’s seat that held her purse with the letter to Walker poking up through the zipper. That letter was a direct result of the one Andy presented her that day. The importance and impact such heartfelt words written could make on a person was clear to her that day.

  No one had ever committed to her before, except technically the abusers that adopted her. But she had never fooled herself into believing she meant anything to them except a free
maid and a physical outlet for their sick and twisted needs. It was different with Andy, he actually loved her, and put it in writing. That was the day a new, stronger Erika emerged from her cocoon. A new Andy too.

  That was also the day she learned to appreciate letters on a therapeutic level.

  ***

  WALKER

  Walker didn’t show up for his client the next morning. At least he had the foresight to cancel, just barely. In fact, he canceled all his clients, indefinitely. Dax understood his need to get his shit together before he could tattoo anyone. He told him to take all the time he needed to get right. Being one of the few people who knew about his feelings for Erika, and somewhat of an aura reading guru, Dax was pretty damn perceptive. Hell, he was the one who told Walker how he felt about Erika, before he even understood or admitted it himself. Once he spilled about what transpired, Dax insisted he take some time to find himself so he could come back better than ever.

  For the first week, he was discovering himself at the bottom of a bottle. A couple of times he tried to find himself between the thighs of some willing woman, but whiskey dick saved him from making those mistakes. At least he told himself it was the booze that kept him down, so to speak, but in his heart, he knew why he couldn’t rise to the occasion; Erika. Those faceless women weren’t her.

  Love was a funny thing. He tried to hate her for what she’d done, what she’d let him do, let him become, but he couldn’t. As much as he wanted to blame her for making him an adulterer, he just couldn’t manage it. Honesty was a brutal bitch, and regardless of how much he hated to admit it, he made himself an adulterer.

  Erika had tried to talk to him, tried to tell him, but he’d effectively shut her up. Wanting her as much as he wanted to breathe, he wouldn’t let her speak after he heard those three words he had been starving to hear. Although, she should have fucking told him in all the years they’d know each other, nights spent together sharing all their deepest darkest secrets. Well, not all, clearly.